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10 Important Lessons Learned in Writing My First Book

Wed, 01 Mar 2023 15:39:41 GMT

Self-Love

I’ve written a new self-help book, just for you!

As promised in last month’s “Free To Be” blog post “ 12 Keys to Self-Love ” , I have an exciting announcement!…

As of TODAY, my first published book, My Vibrator AND My Rosary: Learning to Love All the Dichotomies of You , is now released for sale! Consider this blog post its first official promotion and grab your copy by clicking below!

What is My Vibrator AND My Rosary all about?

This book is all about personal empowerment and SELF-LOVE It is a discussion of the perceived contrasts, extremes, and contradictions that beautifully exist inside us. Its pages are filled with stories and lessons to help you get comfortable loving ALL the dichotomies of you. It’s about uncovering, discovering, and recovering yourself from yourself; and learning to appreciate your “whole” instead of segregating your parts.

We are accustomed to studying the love languages for the sake of our relationships with others. But the MOST important relationship you have in life (besides the one you have with your Creator), is the relationship you have with YOU! Now is the time to accept and embrace every quirky and complex aspect of your being. And when you truly do, love itself will be the only language you ever speak to yourself!

My Vibrator AND My Rosary will inspire and assist you in recognizing that you are not alone in your uniqueness. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are as exclusive as you are. And they are worthy of being thought, felt, and experienced, without apology. This book encourages you feel FREE to be yourself, laugh at yourself, and never fear sharing your authenticity with others.

I’m so excited to share!

I’ve been so excited for this book release day to come! And in honor of the significance today has for me (and hopefully for my readers too), I wanted to share with you some of the valuable life lessons I’ve learned in my 2+ year journey of becoming an author.

My writing process became a metaphor for my life… a beautiful reminder of the things I should remember in every aspect of daily living. What I’m sharing in this article is for everyone who has a dream to attain, or a goal to accomplish. I hope these 10 lessons give you some wisdom and inspiration that you might need to help you on your journey of accomplishment too!

Lessons For Life

Lesson #1: Follow your calling.

I always knew I would write. I just never knew when, or what I’d write about.

When I was young, I discovered a love for words. I never minded vocabulary assignments and thesaurus projects. I enjoyed reading fiction and poetry. And was attracted to Shakespeare and the classics. I always felt emotions deeply and enjoyed contemplation and discussion of spiritual and philosophical matters. In college, my favorite class (which was completely outside my major and minor programs) was “Personal Essay”. I found writing to be a therapeutic and healing modality for my busy life. As a young professional, I continued to journal and outline concepts in order to keep my mind and work organized.

That journaling turned into an indexing of ideas and curiosities that I naturally found myself conversing about with others. And as an entrepreneur, I’ve never been without a personal development or self-help book to help me learn more about myself, and how to become a more effective, productive, positive-minded person.

My first and perhaps most important point to share with you, is that you’ve ever felt a call to write (or do anything else otherwise in your life), do not ignore the message! Childhood visions don’t go away. Sometimes, it just takes time for our visions to become clear, and to give ourselves permission to pursue those visions.

You must always believe that dreams can become reality. If you have big dreams, you can rest assured they will not happen overnight. But they WILL happen, when you set your mind to them. We are never really “ready” for all the big things that will happen in our lives. But we are ALWAYS ready to take just one small step toward what we are called to do.

Lesson #2: Decide to begin. Then, just keep going.

Writing a book (like so many other life goals) simply starts with solidifying your thoughts. And the best way to do that, is to get those thoughts down on paper! Writing your goals down makes them “real”. If you want to write a book, continue your education, move to a new city, or start a new relationship, action is key! Just decide. Act. And keep going.

I would have published books and articles way before now, if I would have gotten out of my own head. Throughout my book development process, I had to remind myself over and again, to stop overthinking, resist organizing (and reorganizing) my thoughts, and quit editing my work as I wrote. I learned to “free-write”, so that I could restructure, copy/paste, delete and add content whenever I needed. As long as I kept writing something (even if there seemed to be no fluidity or flow to it), I’d eventually understand where and how those thoughts, sentences, paragraphs would be structured in my final work.

Life is the same way. Remember, drafts are NOT supposed to be perfect! And neither should we expect our life journey to be. The process of successful completion of anything, is filled with moving parts, meant to be changed and adjusted throughout the experience. So, don’t take yourself too seriously when starting a new project. Just allow yourself the gift of expression, and a little at a time, your life will become a book of art.

Lesson #3: Find your flow.

My greatest writing challenge is to find the “time and space” to write. Every writer is different. And everyone’s life is structured differently. Some people can knock out a thousand words at a time during their lunch break at work. Others can complete a book start-to-finish in one focused weekend. I needed to go away for several days at a time, only about once a month, in order to finish my book. My writing become a version of self-love.

There is no right or wrong way to go about your days and accomplish your goals, whatever they are. But there is one thing I know for certain… that we should never rush or delay our own process. How or when we do things might look crazy to someone else, who accomplish their goals differently. But everything you are meant to do, has a way of getting done, in its proper time.

Take the time YOU need to work, play AND enjoy your life’s journey. I always say that I have my timeline, and God has His timeline. And when our two timelines meet is the PROPER time. If you’ve been called by God to do something, then He will also help you find a way to get it done, when it’s supposed to be done.

Our greatest job is to “go with the flow” of life. When reflecting back on most days, we can usually see that they didn’t go exactly as we had planned. However, we should always feel confident that what needed to get done, did. Keep your faith and keep flowing. Tomorrow will bring a new day for tomorrow’s work to be accomplished. And in the end, all of our books will be perfectly written.

Lesson #4: Understand your own reasons

Whatever you choose to do with your time and talent, I encourage you to have a strong, passionate purpose. We are capable people, with so much opportunity for success. But just because we are able to do something, doesn’t necessarily mean we should.

Are we choosing to write (or insert whatever your goal is) for self-fulfillment, charity, personal challenge, to help others, to solve a problem, to bring inspiration, to fill a need, to educate ourselves or others? Whatever your reasons, if you are passionate about their meaning, you will surely enjoy the journey AND the outcome.

I wrote a book for a few reasons:

1) I was heeding a call I always knew I would do some day. I paid attention to a “sign” from the universe that my time was “now”, so I went for it!
2) I have always believed that there is value in sharing stories and thoughts. And I knew I needed to share my insights on a grander scale.
3) My passion and mission in life has always been to help people find self-love, self-confidence, self-acceptance, peace, joy, and empowerment in their lives. And writing this book was a new avenue to do so for them.

Being happy and finding joy is intimately connected to living out your purpose. As I wrote the content of My Vibrator AND My Rosary , I became even more passionate about encouraging others to love themselves. My purpose for this project was to give permission for people to courageously accept who they are and are becoming, letting Spirit lead them in their journey. And as you learn to love yourself wildly, you will find more joy, peace, and humor than ever before.

Lesson #5: Write your “book of life” from the heart.

When you choose to “put yourself out there” to the world (whether it’s in a personal relationship, or in a public forum), it takes courage to be transparent and share your heart.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), God did not call me to write a book of fiction. Instead, He knew I’d be sharing personal stories and experience with an unknown audience, who are totally capable of “judging a book by its cover” (no pun intended). Haha!

Writing this book has stretched me to a place of vulnerability I’ve never quite been before. And what an incredible journey it has been! Watching this goal come to fruition has required me to do my best to be fully me (exactly the themes of the book), because whoever is meant to receive my words deserves to see my perfectly imperfect self in its message.

One of the most obvious signs of an empowered existence is the willingness to let your heart lead whatever you do. I’ve learned that letting your heart lead is the ONLY fulfilling way to live and work, as scary as it may be. Leading with your heart takes a trust in yourself, and in a higher power that literally created you to be amazing! So let your heart lead you straight to success… you will not be disappointed.

Lesson #6: Resource the right people

I’ve always considered myself good at a lot of things, but Master of nothing. My choice to write on the concept of self-love, is because I’m confident that loving myself is one of my strengths, gifted to me by the Holy Spirit. And because teaching is always something I feel good at.

But just because I can write a book about self-love, doesn’t mean I know how to design, edit and format a book. It doesn’t mean I know how to promote, market, publish and sell a book. It doesn’t mean I know how to merchandize supporting products, network in the authorship fiends, or grow a readership audience. I am certainly not an expert in social media, website development or SEO!

As much as I completely admire DIY people, I cannot imagine having to figure everything out myself. I am totally smart enough to learn anything. But I’m also smart enough to know, that I don’t know what I don’t know. And I am able to evaluate what can be delegated vs. what I choose to spend my time learning to do on my own.

Whether I’m writing a book or doing a home improvement project, I always recommend resourcing a team of experts to help you achieve your endeavors with quality. After all, it takes a village to be successful in life.

So, who are your villagers? Who is in your tribe? Who will help you become successful? Through this process, I have learned to appreciate my own strengths, and also seek out the expertise of others who can help support my dreams. I recommend you consider doing the same. (TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More)

Lesson #7: Stay empowered.

This lesson is short and sweet… feed your soul, so your Spirit can soar!

Big projects can take a lot of time and emotional effort. I wrote my book over a 2+ year period, from concept to completion. Spending that much time on a goal can be challenging. But I have learned that taking care of yourself is vital to success in life.

When I feel overwhelmed, I allow myself to get quiet. When I’m tired, I rest. When I need to get away from it all, I book a stay at the beach. When I need stress management, I go to the gym and push some weight. When I need fun, I call friends for a night out on the town.

As many opinions as you ask for, and as many experts as you seek council with, my greatest recommendation is this… Listen to advise. But decide with your Spirit. You know you are in an empowered place when you can receive feedback from others as data points, and consider them. But you do not need to rely on outside feedback to make decisions. You can decide for yourself with confidence, whatever you know is best. Because only YOU understand the big picture of your vision.

Remember that your vision is yours alone. And you are fully capable of deciding what your end result will look and feel like. Be BOLD and take chances (I have rosary wrapped around a vibrator on the cover of my book, for goodness’ sake. Talk about taking a chance of turning someone off, or perhaps turning someone on.) Lol!

But, whatever! Feel the fear and do it anyway (whatever “it” is). Go with your gut, and do not let anyone or anything deter you from what you think is the right thing to do for YOUR dreams and spirations. You can do anything you set your mind to!

Lesson #8: Enjoy the journey.

Writing a book has taught me so much I didn’t know before. I’ve learned about myself and others. I’ve learned about new industries and technologies. I’ve learned so much that my head spins on most days.

But most importantly, I’ve learned there is so much richness to putting yourself in new situations. Always be prepared for new information. Always be teachable. And be proud of your accomplishments. No one can take away your life experiences from you. And every day you learn something new is a day worth living.

Lesson #9: Be willing to adapt as a person and a professional.

I started my writing journey with no intent to ever sell a book (I mean, maybe I’d give a few away to family or friends). But after taking a writing course, getting some positive feedback, and seeing people’s interest in the topic, I started getting more excited about potential success.

You never know where one courageous step toward a dream will lead you. My end goal of publishing a book is now leading to book clubs, signings, studies, speaking engagements, retreats, sequels, branded apparel, business model adjustments, expansions, and who knows what else!

Your journey may require you to adjust your plans, expand your vision, pivot your steps or expand your path. But all of it will be revealed along the way. The book of life that you are writing is a process. And everything you need to learn will reveal itself along the way.

Lesson #10: Be proud of yourself.

Perhaps the most important, humbling and positive lesson I can share with you is to be proud of yourself. You deserve self-love. You deserve to celebrate your accomplishments and enjoy what comes from the effort you take to follow your calls.

When you try, you cannot fail. Give yourself time and grace when things don’t go as planned. And be thankful that as you become a better, more confident, more whole version of yourself, you will positively influence those around you.

We do not live in a vacuum. Everything we do affects others. And when we are motivated to bring inspiration and goodness to the world through our work and life, we will inevitably bring joy and hope to those who also need it.

To learn more about Empowerment Coaching, the services of All Of The Above, LLC, or to order My Vibrator AND My Rosary, visit our website at www.bealloftheabove.com or follow us online at bealloftheabove

My Vibrator AND My Rosary: Learning to Love All the Dichotomies of You

As promised in last month's "Free To Be" blog post "12 Keys to Self-Love" , I have an exciting announcement!...

URL: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BX724LLX?ref_=k4w_oembed_uyje4ZwuasbrWa&tag=kpembed-20&linkCode=kpd

Author: Melissa Gabriella

Editor's Rating:
5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Self-Love
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12 Powerful Keys To Self Love

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 01:30:27 GMT

It’s a new year of Self Love! It’s the time when we all vow to let go of the past and reset our minds to look for a brighter future ahead. With every good intention, we set new year goals and declare determination to achieve them!

A new year is a perfect time for fresh starts, new perspectives and increases in productivity! But I think even more importantly, it’s a perfect time to ground ourselves in self-love, so that our upcoming journey can be filled with peace and positivity.

Without self-love, we won’t be able to let go of mistakes we’ve made in the past, nor will we have the confidence to BELIEVE that all our aspirations can come true this year.

So, let’s begin in January with a mindset of self-love, so that every step of our path this year is met with an attitude of appreciation, excitement, and willingness to grow. When we allow ourselves personal growth, we will automatically accomplish more in life, work, and relationships than ever before!

Here I’ve gathered a list of 12 keys that are extremely important to personal development and success. You will find that these topics are the foundation of my VERY soon-to-be-published self-help book “My Vibrator AND My Rosary” (click HERE to be added to my pre-sale interest list)! I will expand upon each of these topics in future “Free to Be” Blog posts throughout 2023!

1) Be Loving

It might seem to go without saying that to love yourself, you must BE LOVING to yourself. However, how often do you really treat yourself as well as you treat other people in your life that you care for deeply? Are you as forgiving to yourself as you are to your kids? Do you serve yourself as well as you do your customers? Do you allow yourself the self-care (such as exercise or quiet time) that you encourage others to participate in, to keep their bodies and minds healthy?

Too often, we place others first, and neglect prioritizing ourselves on our daily list of things to do. I challenge you to choose one thing today to show yourself extra love and attention. Perhaps you can journal a paragraph of personal attributes that you can refer to when you are feeling down. Or take a fitness class. Take the time for some light reading or enjoy a Netflix episode you’ve been wanting to see. Whatever it is allow yourself to pick one thing today to show yourself some extra love and attention.

2) Be Your Own Best Friend

My friends are the ones in my life I can on to remind me of my value. Sometimes we rely on others to give us recognition or affirmation, especially when we might be feeling low in energy or drive. But it’s important to be aware of the great advice we are telling others, so that we may remind ourselves of the same wisdom when we need it.

It can be lonely in moments when we could use some encouragement. But when there’s no time for coffee with a friend, and our bestie hasn’t replied to our text quickly enough to lift our spirits yet, we need to be able to feel good about ourselves without depending on external affirmation. Tell yourself a kind word and remind yourself of how accomplished and brilliant you are! And you will always be able to be your own best friend!

3) Be Entertaining

Sometimes we forget to laugh at ourselves. On any given day, we can think, feel, and do crazy things. And when we do, we can choose to criticize ourselves, or giggle at ourselves. I assure you; humor is a better remedy for disappointment than any criticism ever could be.

It’s important to be aware of our idiosyncrasies and our quirks. They are uniquely ours! The way we respond to ourselves is of vital importance to our self-esteem. And it’s tough to love ourselves if we don’t hold ourselves in high regard. Don’t hesitate to be silly. Dance in your living room. Laugh at yourself when you error in judgement. Give yourself a fighting chance for joy every day. And your love for yourself will grow.

4) Be Diverse

What do diversity and self-love have to do with one another? When I refer to diversity in this context, I am speaking of a recognition of ALL that you are. We each have a plethora of personality traits. It does us a disservice to attempt to categorize ourselves in any one way or another (ex: “I am in introvert” or “I’m a social butterfly”).

I tend to think of us all as having multiple personalities. Some days I enjoy being alone and quiet. Others, I want to be around loud, fun, energetic people. One day I’m in a country girl kind of mood. Another day, I’m a beach bum. One day I’m enjoying classical music; the next I can’t turn off the R&B. There is way more to us than one definition or another. We deserve more than to be labelled as one “type” of person or another. True love embraces all aspects of our being. Have fun with all your personality traits, and love ALL of yourself!

5) Be Proud

We have a lifetime of experiences under our belt. Self-love depends on our ability to live with no regrets. We love. We lust. We choose. We decide. We change our minds. We think again. We grow. Too often, we feel unnecessarily ashamed of choices we’ve made, or feelings we have about life that are contrary to popular thought or conventional ideals.

Living without shame is a requirement for living with love. Shame negates love, because as a definition, to be ashamed is to not like something fundamental about who you are. And love requires you to like yourself. If you struggle with feelings of shame, seek a life coach or other wellness professional who may be able to help guide you through whatever healing process you need. You have plenty of things to be proud of in your life. Keep an eye on them, so you can stay empowered, appreciate the whole being you have become.

6) Be Flexible

We all have desires and expectations about ourselves and others. Sometimes if life outcomes fall short, we can feel hurt or disappointed. From a spiritual standpoint, it is imperative we remember that we are in control of some things, but not all. We may have heartbreak, but we are not broken. Time heals all things. And forgiving ourselves and others is what frees us to love again.

We must be flexible with our hopes and wishes, and adaptable with our responses to life’s realities. One thing we can always expect is the unexpected. Life’s twists and turns may disorient us, but our true orientation is in understanding that there is reason for everything. Love yourself enough to enjoy the ride, even when life seems a bit out of control.

7) Be Sexual

We are a procreative species with biological urges and natural attractions. We don’t talk about sex enough because the taboo of the topic can sometimes make us uncomfortable. But we cannot deny that our sexuality is an innate part of our being, worthy of being given attention.

There’s no better way to love thy self, than to accept and enjoy our most intimate of human capabilities. Our sexual nature allows for intense pleasure. Sacred sexuality is a beautiful way to connect your physical body to your ethereal soul. Connecting with sensual energy, touching yourself, sharing intimacy with a partner, creating potential orgasm, or imagining your way to climax are all ways to enhance self-love. Do not fear your own sexuality… instead, always feel free to embrace and enjoy it.

8) Be Understanding

There is great wisdom in knowing ourselves. Life can be confusing. Our brains automatically try to reason their way to making sense of everything, including our own responses and reactions to life (there is so much to wonder about, after all). I have found one of my greatest acceptances is that I will never understand everything… and maybe I’m not meant to.

Part of loving ourselves it to accept ourselves. There is a freedom in letting go of the need to understand. Self-awareness is important. It helps us understand ourselves- how we tick, why we think the way we do. But self-awareness should never be at the expense of self-acceptance (or the other way around). One of the best ways to love is to be understanding. We can sit without ourselves, breathe in our goodness, cut ourselves some slack, and accept ourselves for who we are. So, take a moment today to remind yourself of what is good about your heart and share it with someone. Because love is understood in ways that words can’t explain.

9) Be Real

There is nothing more freeing than living authentically. Sometimes we get caught up in comparisons. I come from a family of musicians, and I love to sing. But I have no pitch. I like to think of myself as musically talented. But as much as I love to belt out a tune, I must be honest with myself. Singing is not my strength. And I admit it. I have no need to prove otherwise to myself or anyone else.

So instead, I express my rhythms in dance (which I’m a little better at than song). And I’m perfectly ok with the truth of who I am and how I was built. Sometimes we struggle between who we are and who we want to be. But who are we for real ? We all have strengths and weaknesses, gifts and talents. And it is all good. For the sake of self-love, choose to live lovingly out loud, honestly, and openly. And wholeheartedly enjoy being the real, imperfect, authentic you.

10) Be Passionate

Passion comes in many forms, and in every energy. I believe in expressing yourself 100%. When you’re happy, be ecstatic. When sad, cry your eyes out. When angry, let it out. When worried, allow the feeling. Emotions are not right or wrong. They are simply responses to stimuli, meant to be observed- like guides in how we wish to respond to life.

Muting our passions or holding back from expressing our thoughts or feelings can be detrimental to our health and happiness. Our bodies hold on to whatever emotions go unexpressed. They can even take on manifestation of physical illness if not processed (i.e., stress, etc.). Never fear letting out what is in your heart. Embrace your passions wildly and without surrender! Doing so will ensure a fully experienced life of pure love.

11) Be In the Moment

The only true moment is now. Everything we remember and look forward to is experienced today, including reading these words. If we take the time to assess ourselves at any given moment of the day, we will find ourselves at the very least, breathing, and alive. I have learned to ask myself, “Right now, am I ok?” And the answer is usually yes. If I am troubled, I am in the process of problem solving. If I am happy, I get to be witness to it in my current awareness.

As much as the days seem to fly by, always try to take the time to feel gratitude for every blessing. When you do, the peace it brings will create even more love in your heart, recognized by your spirit and others. And living with a happy heart is key to living a happy life.

12) Be Unapologetic

I believe the most important key to self-love is to be unapologetic for who you have been, who you are, and who you are becoming. Our existence was not our choice, but the choice of whatever supernatural power/being chose to place us here on earth, at this time. Therefore, we have nothing to apologize when being ourselves.

We have the free will to decide our actions and behaviors. But ask any parent- we were built with certain personality traits and tendencies before learned behavior ever kicked in. We are all on a quest to be the best version of ourselves. The “self” we allow ourselves to be deserves all the love and appreciation we can give to him/her. Never be sorry to present your whole self to the world. You and everyone else will be better off for it.

The Time Is Now for Self Love

This year more than any other (because now is the best time to begin), be bold enough to live in peace and contentment with every aspect of your being. Choose to acknowledge, accept, and love yourself to your utmost capacity. Fill your hearts with positive affirmation. And don’t listen to the naysayers inside or outside of your head.

When you master these principles of self-love, you will surely feel a greater sense of happiness and freedom every day. When they become a naturally accepted part of your personal truth, your accomplishments will feel even greater, and your victories will taste even sweeter!

Trust, and be assured

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 18:28:20 GMT

Trust and be assured

One thing I’m continuing to learn in life is to trust myself. I have found that when my authentic passion or purpose is met with resistance by others (or even by my own little “devil” on my shoulder), it’s because the powers of dark that surround me, are feeling threatened by the wisdom and obedience of my Spirit of Light which I’ve chosen to let GUIDE me. Our intuition is such a powerful force, one which cannot fully thrive without letting go of fears and ego. We teach our children to “trust their gut”, but also to “never trust a stranger”. Well… which is it!? As adults, we struggle with the same conflict of sense. How can we be sure what messages to trust?! What if I make wrong choices? What if I fail? What if I am wrong?

Life often times feels out of OUR control, and in many ways it most certainly is. But that does not mean life itself is out of control. Life itself is in constant, dynamic state of being. And it is incredibly homeostatic in nature. The inhales and exhales of our bodies and the trees depend on each another. The land and the seas are constantly exchanging with one another. Every entity of nature is interdependent, with much depth in checks and balances. We see it in our geography, relationships and prayers. The design of our physical, mental and spiritual existence is beyond what any scientist or philosopher can fully explain. We are a long way off from most understanding. But assurance will never come from understanding. It can only come from trusting.

Our egos may not like admitting it, but we can all be assured of one thing if nothing else… we are not here by accident. We alone cannot completely conceive or birth ourselves. We can’t completely mess ourselves up any more than we can completely put our pieces back together when we fall. We need a bit of our own intellect and wisdom, as well as that of others, in order to navigate this “seemingly” crazy life. We need a bit of divine intervention just to wake up in the morning. We need a bit of surrender of some things in order to make space in our lives for others. We need a bit of trust to live this life, but we actually do not NEED assurance (assurance just makes this life feel a little better).

Perhaps the best outlook we could have is to see this life as MIRACULOUS vs. crazy. We could see our “crazy selves”, our “crazy neighbor”, our “crazy Aunt Sue”, our “crazy boss” as miraculous! What if we saw anything we don’t understand as miraculous? After all, just the fact that we have an entire electrical system functioning inside our bodies, helping our organs to run, even though we are not physically plugged into any electrical outlet is pretty crazy to me! But here we are… running around on an “invisible” energy that we can’t detect with our own eyes. Life is truly miraculous.

Trust and be assured

We should not be discouraged by our unknowns, but be assured by them. Accept them. Appreciate them. Following our intuitions, our authentic passion and purpose keeps us on the right track of our own existence in this life. The outside forces which drive us are real. Our choices, thoughts, urges, desires… all REAL, tangible evidence of our incredible nature. And we CAN trust that we are all doing our best.

I encourage us in times of doubt or question, to continue to check in with our consciences, follow our discernment, and trust BOTH ourselves and the Universe/ Divine Nature/God/Source (however you define who or what is bigger than you). Our innate wisdom has a purpose beyond our current awareness. Our life and how we live it is more influential, more valuable than we can ever understand. So trust, and be assured.

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The Eye of the Beholder

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:41:55 GMT

How are we seen?

How deeply do we realize that what others see in us is a partial reflection of what we see in ourselves? I say “partial” because it’s always amazed me that how we “show up in the world” directly results in another’s impression of us. Yet at the same time, other people can see us in glaringly different ways than how we see ourselves. Therefore, it’s reasonable to assume that how we are SEEN is relative to perspective… ours and theirs. The question is which views of us are most important?

When the beholder is you.

When I wake up to brush my teeth in the morning and look in the mirror, sometime I see a tired, middle-aged mom with bags under her eyes. On other days, I see the sexiest woman alive. Depending on the “eyes” I am looking with, I either appreciate myself or I don’t. Interestingly, when I look at that middle-aged mom and see a woman who stayed up late making “magic happen” for her kids… texting team moms, coordinating activity schedules and planning for an upcoming week that only Wonder Woman could pull off, I can feel empowered and worthy. When I see that hot woman underneath her c-section scar and extra “fluff”, I can feel embarrassed or discouraged.

Yet to BEHOLD myself is to see not just with my physical eyes, but the eyes of my heart. And the eyes of my heart know every effort, class taken, labor pain felt, friendship formed, argument lost, and tear of joy or sorrow I have ever experienced. The eyes of my heart know the challenges and wins I have had my entire life. And when I see from that perspective, I feel love and appreciation for myself and my journey, regardless of what the eyes in my head might see in my mirror that moment.

When the beholder is another.

My younger self didn’t care about what others thought. I began my career in athletics, when just showing up as a fit 20 year-old was good enough for others to have a positive impression of me (those were the good ‘ol days!). I put on a good show from stage and my students had fun. I never wore a lick of cosmetics and didn’t own a matching outfit, taking no care of my “looks”. And I was too dumb to doubt how others saw me. My beholders only saw my outside and knew nothing of my heart or mind. Nor did I care if they did.

As I got older, I naturally became more aware of how others might see me. I wanted people to appreciate my heart. I’d regularly allow the influence of others to determine how I saw myself. Sometimes that was a good thing and sometimes it wasn’t. Once I entered the beauty industry, I believed I should never leave home without getting made up and dressed up. I thought that the better I took care of myself on the outside, the more people would connect with my inside. But that wasn’t always the case. I began to believe that the only way to pay my bills was to be on top of my “external impression game” every second (after all, I was in the “image industry” now). And what others thought of me could often become more important than my view of self.

Over time, I realized that every impression is important. We live in a dynamic society. Depending on circumstance, people will either see me or behold me. It may be the lady at the check-out line who sees beyond my outfit or makeup, as my friendly eyes make contact with hers. It may be the stranger at the mall or toll booth who will behold my smile or compliment as I pass by. It may be my waitress or girlfriend who will see my heart vs. just my presence in their space, because of my compassion. If we are lucky, every person we come in contact with won’t just see us with their eyes, but will feel us in their hearts, because of the mark we made on their day. As we share this kind of love, people might learn to behold themselves in a way that will also intrigue and bring light to others.

Behold, our influence.

Let us not be fooled, we should care about who is seeing us and what is being seen. We should care about our view of self. But most importantly, we should care about how our eyes see others. WE ARE BEHOLDERS. Our light-heartedness and positive energy is an incredible asset to the world we live in, especially at times when life feels overwhelming or environmentally challenging. Our grace and choice to limit negative judgement of others, affects how they look back at us, through whatever lenses they may be wearing. Our eyes may be saddened or excited, but we choose whether our lenses are dark or rose-colored. And their eyes may be fearful or cautious, but how we behold our neighbor is how we will live our influence. All that is or isn’t beautiful is in the “eye of the beholder”. We are both constantly seeing and being seen by the hearts of ourselves and others. Let us choose to see with hearts of love. Let us do our best to behold and be held by one another. Surely, we will all benefit.

Give Love. Receive Healing.

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:39:01 GMT

Time Heals Everything. Let’s each spend some time being healers today. That powerful energy is within each of us. And we could all use a bit more healing and health… body, mind and spirit. So let’s start with our own hearts, and then share some of our light and love with others. Let’s even go as far as to choose to inwardly or outwardly love someone we may not “like” today, and see how that act changes us, them, the world.

The Vulnerability of Intimacy

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:33:42 GMT

I was lucky and blessed to be brought up in an “intimate” home where you could never love too much. As argumentative Italians, we were taught that even when we experienced heartbreaks, losses, deaths or estrangements, the hurt felt was just proportionate to how much love was present. I was taught that it is always “better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”. I still tear up when I hear my late mother’s voice repeat the expression in my mind. So, I always accepted that healthy intimacy was worth overcoming the fear of loss, hurt or rejection.

As an adult I am still resilient in this philosophy of thinking. I “love to love”, as someone dear once reminded me. I cherish that vulnerability within me. And yet I also tend to council myself more regarding love than any other topic. Loving with such depth is kind of a “double-edged sword” at times. Sometimes I feel that the depth of love in my heart cannot be reciprocated, for whatever reasons. I can fight fear that my heart may never be fully understood by others. It aches as I yearn for deeper connections. It can break when I see others abused or neglected by those supposed to love them. The challenges of daily life can stand in the way of the free spirit in me, whom desires to love everyone and anyone without condition or limitation. And although I try to stay lighthearted in mind and spirit, I also can’t deny my relationships that unexpectedly fail, or weren’t what I thought. Some relationships aren’t able to evolve in ways I wish. Others prove less desirable than my expectations. Some of my adult heart breaks can feel just as bad as my failed teenage crushes (if only life were as simple now).

Yet I choose to look at “intimacy challenges” like the training of a muscle (the energy of the heart muscle, specifically). We must allow ourselves to grow and stretch our hearts in order to enjoy, give and receive intimacy. The same uncomfortable openness that allows vulnerability can also provide for the most exciting processes of loving! When we let down our guards with others, we are able to let their light shine in on us. We get to know people we may not have thought we’d connect with. We find diversity in friendships. We develop attractions to personalities that compliment us. We find community when there might not have been any. And we find love that we didn’t know existed.

I’m learning that loving is simple and easy, but God’s plan for the loves of our lives is more complicated and interconnected than we can imagine. Still, I choose never to fear intimacy. Instead I prepare to be ready and willing to have the strength and resilience it takes to be human. I strive to love like God does… a sacrificial, open, child-like, unconditional, mindful and sometimes groovy-kind of love, for the sake of being fully alive in this life and the next. The courage to love this way feeds us and others. I truly believe when we stop loving, we also stop living. It’s tough but beautiful work, to allow intimacy. We must balance our needs with others. We may need boundaries. We must trust our Creator with the lives we are sent to love. And we must be willing to receive love, even when we don’t feel worthy of it. When we fail to connect or reciprocate such love, we can always trust that God’s love is perfect, and never fails us. By our very nature, we are covered in intimacy. 1 John 4:18 “There is NO fear in love.”

In the Moment

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:30:34 GMT

Baggy sweats. College tee. Patio time. The sounds of nature. The birds, the oceans, the insects, the trees know nothing of what we humans choose to focus on. No broadcast news, no politics, no racism. Pure, unadulterated nature just keeps singing, swaying, flowing, flying… eating, sleeping, receiving what’s provided, and appreciating what’s found. Nature just goes on living… doing its best, working, accepting… without fear of dying. The earth finds water, every creature finds food. We humans have it all wrong. We forget that we actually ARE pure nature, subject to divine plan, just as the rest of our creatures and creation. We are just more “privileged” with enhanced mental capacity… or are we? Only if we choose to use it to draw closer to our divine nature, meant for pure trust. Love and appreciation is more of what’s needed. Life is good. God is greater. All is well with my soul at this very moment… not every moment, but thankfully this one… and every one I choose to deeply understand with my heart, led by Spirit. God is providing. This I know. Till my body passes and my spirit moves on. Is your soul well? I pray it is.

Welcome

Mon, 27 Jul 2020 19:35:54 GMT

Hello Friends!

Welcome to the first post of my new blog “Free To Be”. My name is Melissa Olsheski, and I’m grateful you’ve stopped to check it out! Let me introduce myself…

In recent years I’ve come to see myself as an “All of the Above” kind of woman. As best as I can explain, that means I have accepted the awesome realization that I (just like you) am made up of layers upon layers of beautiful and complex emotions, talents, interests, gifts and aspirations. I realize that I possess wisdom of what’s ABOVE me, which helps me appreciate ALL of what’s in me. In my “middle-age”, I’ve gotten totally comfortable with my perfect imperfection. And I want that for you too!

I was born a New Yorker and retired early to FL (at the age of 21) seeking sun and fun. My supportive husband and two great kids never know what I’ll be up to next. My interests span from sports to the arts, from science to philosophy, from history to mysticism. I love and appreciate silence, yet I’m energized by noisy stimulation. I’m totally social, but I’m just as happy staying home watching movies under a cozy blanket with my family. The beach is my happy place, but the mountains help me ground. I’ve always sought the illusion of a “balanced” life, but more often choose to find joy amidst daily whirlwinds, many of which I create for myself.

I lift heavy weights and shake my bootie in Zumba. I run my kids like a crazy person to their activities, hate to cook but love to eat. My trainers and coaches yell at me for non-compliance to their recommendations. I hire out as many household services as my husband lets me, and WAY too many people know my garage code. I love to put on my makeup, some hot chunky heals and a cute, sexy dress when I’m not in my workout clothes or “day jammies” with no bra. I regularly yell at my kids to “Stop fighting and just love each other!” I take the term “Universal” VERY literally, seeing people of every race, nationality, culture and religion since the beginning of (and beyond this) time as my sisters and brothers in Creation. I participate in my faith and pray in church, restaurants, synagogues, nature, temples, yoga class, bed and wherever else I find myself; because I know that Holy Spirit stays with me and you, regardless of how we each practice Spirituality. Some may think of me as a living, breathing example of confusion. But my vision and purpose is clear as it can be… to share with anyone who will listen, that LOVE IS EVERYTHING.

In my process of living, I’ve learned that beyond the titles, degrees and credentials I hold (Business Owner, Wife, Exercise Physiologist, Mother, Sales Director, Empowerment Coach, Family Coordinator Extraordinaire and now Blogger, just to name a few), the fullness of my true self cannot be easily explained, categorized or labeled. I firmly believe that every human on the face of the earth has the innate need to embrace the boundless potential of their own diversity and uniqueness. It’s this understanding that allows me the FREEDOM to love myself always, both on days that flow, and days that I’m a hot mess!

My decision to write publically stems from a deep desire to make a positive difference in the world. I’m looking to serve people who are thirsting for something… those who want to know themselves better and love themselves more, want to attract more positivity to their lives and have deeper connections with others. I’m looking to help those seeking healing or forgiveness, those who are ready to push beyond their current limitations or blockages in thought or action. It’s so easy to say “I just want to feel like myself”, but it’s much deeper work to actually find and maintain who we are amidst worldly influences. I’m looking for those of you yearning to feel peaceful and free to “Just Be”.

I’m passionate about assisting you in uncovering, discovering and recovering ALL of your personal power. My desire is to provide thoughtful, helpful and inspiring content to help assist you in your own personal growth and development. You can expect that some of my posts will provide “feel good” messages, encouraging you to let go and breathe! Some will challenge you to question yourself, think deeper, and discern meaning and purpose beyond your current understanding. I’ll always strive to provide great resources, and tips for self-care or healthy living. I hope that some posts will enlighten you and move you into action. I’m guessing that others might bore you or piss you off. But I’m confident that most of what you’ll find here will enrich you. My greatest honor is to encourage people to love themselves, respect others, and learn great lessons along the way. I’m excited to grow this online community. I’m happy to help expand minds, as I trust my Maker to give me ideas to share. And as we stretch, we will continue to blossom as mindful lovers of our own souls, intellect and divinity. This growth will feed our families and communities as well. Because how we show up in the world affects the dynamic around us. So feel free to comment, share or reach out! I’ll be posting at least a few times weekly. Thanks for tuning in. I can’t wait to watch us fly!